Scripts

We teach people how to treat us. That includes our clients. Because we’re not born knowing how to wrangle client expectations, here’s a quick and dirty list of scripts you can learn so you have a response to even the toughest requests and questions.

What we think and what we say are two entirely different things, as you’ll notice…

Spread these around! We’re a team, you guys.

Money

Client requests

No we can’t just ‘add a blog’ for nothing, you nincompoop. That shit costs money.

“A blog? That’s a great idea. Let’s go back to the team and find out how much time that will take and how much it will cost.

Late Payments

You’ve been late on three payments and you want us to ‘keep moving’? I’m going to mail you a dead fish out of sheer frustration.

“We’ll restart your project just as soon as we receive any outstanding payments.

Communication

Written communication

I’ve asked you a thousand times to put your idiot requests in Basecamp.

“I think the whole team would get a lot out of this conversation. Would you mind posting it in Basecamp so we can take some time to respond?

Business Goals

You want a giant, shiny robot to pop out and deliver your vision statement? On the home page? Terrific.

“Let’s go back and see how this idea supports or hurts your business goals. If it makes sense to do it, we’re on board; otherwise, let’s brainstorm a few other ideas, too.

Time

Late deliverables

Why the f%@# would you ask us to launch tomorrow after your approval was two weeks late??

“Unfortunately, no. We need your help & commitment to approvals to launch on time. We’ll work as fast as we can, but we can’t compromise the quality of our project. Thanks for understanding.

Sacred calendar

You’re setting our meeting dates within a day and expecting my team to be on board? Nope.

“We’d love to chat about the project direction. Let us look at some times that are available for the whole team and I’ll reach out to you ASAP.

Other Tips

  • Use bullet points and highlight important info in your emails. Always include a clear deadline for feedback.
  • Let your client know which communication channels work best for you and your team. Use those ones; if they reach out via other channels, put the message in your requested channel the first time. After that, tell them you’ll respond once their feedback is where it needs to be.
  • You don’t need to give an answer to a question right away; just an acknowledgement
  • You set the pace of the project with your urgency and responses.